I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
