I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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