suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize