So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize