I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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