My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
