Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
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