What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
