i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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