so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
