Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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