It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
