I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize