I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Randomize
