Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize