hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
