Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
