Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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