your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
