So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
