She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
