a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
