you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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