Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
