Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
