Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
