I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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