i love accidental penises.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
