shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
