Your dad touched me again.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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