Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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