I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
