all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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