I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
