like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
