I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
