bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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