I wish my penis had an off switch
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize