My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
