I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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