Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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