Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
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We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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