i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
