fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
