I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
