so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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