You just made me feel so damn special
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
