moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
