dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
