I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
