i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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