YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
