and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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