Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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