Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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