Don't make out with my wife yet
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
