sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
