You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
