my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
