i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
