Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
