i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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