Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
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So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
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Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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