Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize