I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
