I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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